Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
