i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
