My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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