if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Randomize
