i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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