I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
