if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
