He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
