fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
