just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
