I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
