just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
