your parents love me but you hate me
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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