The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
