Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I need to sanitize my soul.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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