Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
