Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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