I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
accomplished twins. life is a go
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
