I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Your cock deserves a montage
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
