No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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