I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
