:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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