I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
