all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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