people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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