i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
