we're chasing vodka with high fives
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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