i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
