I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
