we have officially lost it.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
