your parents love me but you hate me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
