It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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