my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
