We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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