i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
