note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
