I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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