oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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