We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Randomize
