Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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