wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
