he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I want to fling myself into the sun
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
