i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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