At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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