You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
