i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
True strength comes from lack of pants
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
