I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
