Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
