If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
