just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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