so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
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