THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
