1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
