how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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